excellent awkward

Synopsis: Sansa is knitting when she received a note from Littlefinger. She takes Brienne with her to meet him. He says he’s happy to see her, but she is cold. She recounts the horrors of her wedding night and asks if Baelish if he knew what a monster Ramsay was before he had her marry him. She threatens Petyr and tells him to go away and that she doesn’t ever want to see him again. Before he goes he tells her that her uncle, Brynden the Blackfish, has retaken Riverrun and she might seek him out should she need an army. Arya fights with the Waif (ugh, the Waif) who tells her she’s not ready, because that’s the only thing she seems to know how to say. She manages to knock Arya down as Jaqen walks by. Jaqen takes Arya back to the Hall of Faces, and offers her membership into the Faceless Men. He gives Arya a second chance, by giving her some poison, and a target, a local actress. Arya watches the actress, Lady Crane, who is Cersei in a play covering King Robert’s death, Ned’s beheading, Tyrion’s marriage to Sansa and other events, but mostly exaggerated. Backstage, Arya spies on Lady Crane and later tells Jaqen how she plans to do it. Bran is visiting the past. He watches as Leaf and the other children create the Night King, who is just a man until she plunges dragonglass into his chest. Bran awakens and questions Leaf about making the White Walkers. She says they did it to defend themselves from men.

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Synopsis: Davos is stunned when he sees Jon Snow rise from his table. He is confused and struggles to breathe. He stumbles off the table and Davos helps him. Melisandre arrives as Davos asks what Snow remembers. Jon says he remembers being stabbed. Melisandre asks what he saw after and he says nothing, nothing at all. Melisandre thinks Jon is the prince that was promised and the lord of light must’ve brought him back for a reason. Davos convinces Jon to return to his men. He does, hugging Tormund and Tollett, but admitting he’s not sure what he is. Sam and Gilly travel across the sea, which is making Sam sick. Gilly is excited to see Oldtown, but Sam tells her that she won’t be allowed in the Citadel. Sam confesses that they are going to his parents’ house first so that she and baby Sam will have a place to stay and his mom can help care for them. Bran and the Three-Eyed Raven are back in the past watching Ned and Howland Reed, Meera and Jojen’s father, face off against a couple knights. Ned demands to see his sister, but the knights refuse and everyone starts slinging blades. Ned and Ser Arthur Dayne, one of the knights, are the only two left, and Dayne has Ned on the ropes, but Howland stabs Dayne in the back, leaving Ned to finish him. Bran says this isn’t how he was told this story. Ned hears a scream and heads towards a tower, and Bran calls after him, and Ned appears to have heard him. The Raven pulls Bran back to reality. Bran wants to return to the vision, but the Raven says he has to learn everything, in order to become the next Three-Eyed Raven.

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Synopsis: After sitting last season out, Bran is right where we left him in season 4, with the Three-Eyed Raven (although puberty has definitely smacked Isaac Hempstead Wright upside the head). The two jump into the past and witness Winterfell years ago with young Ned and Lyanna Stark in the courtyard, as well as young Wyllis, who Bran recognizes as Hodor, and is amazed that he was once able to talk. Bran wants to play in the past, but the Raven wakes him up. Bran finds Meera outside sitting watch and tells her what he’s learned. Leaf sits by Meera and assures her that Bran needs Meera. Thorne returns to Davos and asks him to surrender. Davos and the others draw their swords as the Night’s Watch bust down the door. Before they make it through, Wun Wun breaks down the door to Castle Black and a herd of Wildlings along with Tollett take over the castle. Thorne and the others are taken prisoner. In King’s Landing, a man speaks ill of Cersei, and afterwards when he’s taking a piss, the Mountain smashes his head in. Cersei and the Mountain prepare to leave the Red Keep, but are barred from doing so from the kingsguard on orders of King Tommen. Tommen and Jaime pay their respects to Myrcella, and Tommen says he thinks it was Cersei who killed Trystane. Jaime asks if Tommen is upset with Cersei, but he denies it, saying he hasn’t seen her because he feels guilty and with his wife and mother locked up, he appears weak. The High Sparrow arrives and Jaime threatens him, but before he can draw his sword an army of Faith Militant arrive. The High Sparrow leaves with a smirk. Tommen finally visits Cersei and apologizes for keeping her locked up and not visiting her sooner. He didn’t want to risk losing her again. Tommen asks for her help in being strong.

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Synopsis: Wolves howl at Castle Black as Jon Snow’s bloody body lies underneath the “traitor” sign when last we left it. Ghost tries to get out of his cage, and his moans alert Davos, who is the first to discover Snow. Soon, Tollett and others arrive and take his body inside. Tollett accuses Thorne, and Davos thinks they need to stick close to those they can trust. Melisandre soon enters and sees Jon. She is saddened and confused. She saw him in the flames, fighting at Winterfell. Thorne addresses the Night’s Watch. He admits his hand in Jon’s death, but says he killed him because Jon betrayed the Night’s Watch by letting the Wildlings through their gates. Back with Snow, Tollett is ready to die but Davos says they don’t have the numbers, but they aren’t the only ones who owe their lives to Jon Snow. Edd leaves in a rush. In Winterfell, Ramsay says goodbye to Myranda and vows to avenge her death, but also has her fed to his dogs. Roose chastises Ramsay for letting Sansa escaping and how her escape affects his standing. Theon and Sansa run through the snowy woods as they hear dogs coming after them. They trudge through a freezing lake to get some distance, but they don’t make it far enough. The searchers have found them but, thankfully, so have Brienne and Podrick. They fight off the men, and Brienne once again offers her protection to Sansa. This time, Sansa accepts. Jaime arrives home, and Cersei rushes out to meet him and her daughter, but as he sails ashore, she sees a body and understands that her daughter is gone. Cersei and Jaime cry about it later, where Cersei recounts the prophecy of Maggy the Frog. Septa Unella reads the holy book with Margaery and urges her to confess but Margaery only asks about her brother. The High Sparrow interrupts, sending the Septa away. He tells Margaery that her husband misses her and also urges her to confess but she maintains her innocence.

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Synopsis: Melisandre takes the thawing snow as a sign that their sacrifice of Shireen was the right move. She pushes Stannis to continue his march. He is cold to her. When they regroup with their men, they are informed that half of the army left in the middle of the night, but there’s worse news. Stannis is shown Selyse has hung herself. Stannis is then informed that Melisandre has left, but he commands his remaining troops to prepare for battle. Jon recounts the battle of Hardhome for Samwell, and the newly discovered info that Valyrian steel can kill a White Walker. Sam asks Jon to send him away to the Citadel to learn to become a maester. Snow doesn’t want to lose his friend and best advisor, but Sam says if he stays that Gilly and baby Sam will die and he will die trying to save them. Snow finally agrees. Sam also hints that he got his v-card punched. Later, Jon bids them farewell. Stannis and his army arrive at Winterfell, which Podrick is the first to see. He runs and tells Brienne. Sansa breaks out of her room and makes her way up to the tower to light the candle herself, just as Brienne gives up on watching for it. As Stannis and his men near the castle, the Bolton army meets them and Stannis already defeated draws his sword anyway. Sansa watches from the tower. Later, Stannis’ army in tatters, bodies strewn everywhere, an injured Stannis fights off two Bolton men, but falls to the ground, injured. He looks up and sees Brienne. She introduces herself and recounts watching Renly die. Stannis admits his part. Brienne asks for his last words, but he just tells her to do her duty, and she does. Sansa sneaks around Winterfell until she is caught by Theon and Myranda. Myranda taunts Sansa and draws her bow and arrow, but before she releases it, Theon pushes Myranda over the wall. Splat. They hear the sounds of the drawbridge oening and realizing Ramsay is returning, Sansa and Theon jump into a snow bank on the outside of the castle.

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Synopsis: In the middle of night, Stannis’ army campout lights up in flames. Apparently, those twenty men Ramsay said he could use sneaked into the camp for a little arson. Stannis contemplates his next move. Jon Snow and the Wildlings return to Castle Black. Thorne opens the gates and the Wildlings pass through. He tells Sam that he failed but Sam points out that everyone walking is alive because of him. The Crows watch angrily at the Wildlings, but do nothing, save for marveling at the sight of the giant. Jon smiles at Olly, but the boy isn’t feeling sunny towards Snow. Stannis sends Davos to Castle Black to ask for supplies and food. Davos offers to take Shireen but Stannis wants his family with him. Davos visits Shireen who tells him of the story she is reading-A Dance of Dragons, about a battle that split the Targaryen family. He gives her a small carved deer as a thank you for teaching him to read. Jaime is brought to Doran, who questions him on sneaking into Dorne. Jaime tells of threat they received with Myrcella’s necklace. Doran glares at Ellaria. Doran toasts to King Tommen and agrees to send Myrcella back to King’s Landing, so long as Trystane can accompany her. Ellaria storms out after chastising Doran. Jaime asks for the return of Bronn, and Doran lets Trystane make the decision. He agrees on one condition. Bronn is brought in front of the prince and is slapped. Arya, in her new identity as the oyster girl is walking through Braavos but when she is visits the man she is sent to spy on, she is surprised to see Meryn Trant  arrive with Mace Tyrell. Arya follows their entourage, what with Meryn being on her list. Tyrell meets with representatives of the Iron Bank and Arya keeps close watch. She follows Trant to a brothel and sells her wares to the patrons while watching Trant turn down all the girls for being too old, until an entirely too young girl is brought forth. Arya is shooed away before she can follow. She returns to Jaqen and says she couldn’t complete her mission but he is suspicious. Doran brings Ellaria and the Sand Snakes before him and makes Ellaria kiss the ring, literally. He expects her loyalty and gives her a second chance, but cautions her that he won’t allow a third. Ellaria visits Jaime and questions him on his love for Cersei. She says that incest isn’t frowned upon in Dorne and that you can’t control who you love. She concedes that Myrcella is innocent of Oberyn’s death, and Jaime might be as well.

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Synopsis: Jorah and Tyrion appear in Dany’s throne room. Dany refuses Jorah the right to speak. Tyrion makes a case for his continued existence. He speaks of what he heard about Dany and why he might be good to advise her. She asks him for advice on what to do with Jorah, and why she shouldn’t kill him. He says he’s never seen anyone so devoted as he saw Jorah to her. He suggests Jorah is in love with her. Dany orders Jorah to be removed from the city. A nun beats an imprisoned Cersei yelling at her to confess. Cersei basically tells her to fuck off. Arya practices lying to Jaqen. Later, Arya works as a girl selling oysters, her new identity. She encounters a man, a gambler, who Jaqen tells her to keep an eye on. He wants her to spy on the man, learn everything she can, and then poison him. Arya leaves with the poison. The waif (ugh, the waif) tells Jaqen that Arya isn’t ready, but Jaqen says that’s up to the many faced god. Qyburn visits Cersei and tells her about her pending trial. The High Sparrow will be her judge. The charges are incest, fornication, treason, and the murder of King Robert. Cersei says they are all lies, but Qyburn cautions the burden of proof for the faith is less than in a court. He also tells her that Pycelle has brought her uncle Kevan back to serve as hand of the king, and that Tommen hasn’t been eating and won’t talk to anyone. Theon sees Sansa and she asks him why he told Ramsay. As he cries about what he suffered from Ramsay, Sansa is supportive because of what he did to her family. She’s also starting to see how brainwashed he’s been. As she berates him, Theon confesses that the boys he killed weren’t Bran and Rickon.

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Synopsis: Tormund is brought to Jon Snow and his chains are removed. Jon charges Thorne with command while he is gone and Thorne tells him he’s an idiot for this plan. Jon says goodbye to Samwell and as a parting gift, Sam gives him his dragonglass dagger. Jon and Tormund saddle up and are outta there, with Tollett and a few others. After, Sam and Gilly visit Maester Aemon with baby Sam as he begins to drift away. And now his watch is ended. Theon arrives in Sansa’s room as the visibly-bruised bride of Ramsay awakens. Sansa begs him for help and gives him the candle to put in the window. Instead, Theon takes it to Ramsay, while Brienne watches from afar for any sign. The men of the Night’s Watch lay Aemon to rest as Sam eulogizes him. Thorne takes the opportunity to chide Sam for losing all of his friends. Ramsay and his new wife survey Winterfell as Ramsay talks of the future. Sansa throws his pending baby brother in his face, suggesting he will have a greater claim than Ramsay. Ramsay’s legit, he says, but Sansa points out Tommen, another bastard, was the one who legitimized him. Ramsay shows Sansa the old woman who offered her help. She has been flayed. Theon hovers nearby, with the candle. Ramsay tells Sansa she isn’t going anywhere. At Stannis’ camp, Davos warns Stannis that this is not the right time to go into battle, as the snow is getting worse. Stannis assures him, victory or defeat, they will be marching. Melisandre tells Stannis that even though she’s seen them in victory, they still may need a sacrifice. The Red Woman suggests his daughter, as she is the only one around with king’s blood. A couple Night’s Watch bros accost Gilly and Sam comes to her rescue pulling his sword. He takes a swing, but the men overpower him and knock him around. Sam gets back up, beaten and bloody but the men aren’t afraid, until Ghost comes in, baring his teeth and then men take off. Gilly tends to Sam’s wounds and then tends to that pesky virginity that has been plaguing him, but no more.

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