Category Archives: tv

Synopsis: Wolves howl at Castle Black as Jon Snow’s bloody body lies underneath the “traitor” sign when last we left it. Ghost tries to get out of his cage, and his moans alert Davos, who is the first to discover Snow. Soon, Tollett and others arrive and take his body inside. Tollett accuses Thorne, and Davos thinks they need to stick close to those they can trust. Melisandre soon enters and sees Jon. She is saddened and confused. She saw him in the flames, fighting at Winterfell. Thorne addresses the Night’s Watch. He admits his hand in Jon’s death, but says he killed him because Jon betrayed the Night’s Watch by letting the Wildlings through their gates. Back with Snow, Tollett is ready to die but Davos says they don’t have the numbers, but they aren’t the only ones who owe their lives to Jon Snow. Edd leaves in a rush. In Winterfell, Ramsay says goodbye to Myranda and vows to avenge her death, but also has her fed to his dogs. Roose chastises Ramsay for letting Sansa escaping and how her escape affects his standing. Theon and Sansa run through the snowy woods as they hear dogs coming after them. They trudge through a freezing lake to get some distance, but they don’t make it far enough. The searchers have found them but, thankfully, so have Brienne and Podrick. They fight off the men, and Brienne once again offers her protection to Sansa. This time, Sansa accepts. Jaime arrives home, and Cersei rushes out to meet him and her daughter, but as he sails ashore, she sees a body and understands that her daughter is gone. Cersei and Jaime cry about it later, where Cersei recounts the prophecy of Maggy the Frog. Septa Unella reads the holy book with Margaery and urges her to confess but Margaery only asks about her brother. The High Sparrow interrupts, sending the Septa away. He tells Margaery that her husband misses her and also urges her to confess but she maintains her innocence.

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Synopsis: Melisandre takes the thawing snow as a sign that their sacrifice of Shireen was the right move. She pushes Stannis to continue his march. He is cold to her. When they regroup with their men, they are informed that half of the army left in the middle of the night, but there’s worse news. Stannis is shown Selyse has hung herself. Stannis is then informed that Melisandre has left, but he commands his remaining troops to prepare for battle. Jon recounts the battle of Hardhome for Samwell, and the newly discovered info that Valyrian steel can kill a White Walker. Sam asks Jon to send him away to the Citadel to learn to become a maester. Snow doesn’t want to lose his friend and best advisor, but Sam says if he stays that Gilly and baby Sam will die and he will die trying to save them. Snow finally agrees. Sam also hints that he got his v-card punched. Later, Jon bids them farewell. Stannis and his army arrive at Winterfell, which Podrick is the first to see. He runs and tells Brienne. Sansa breaks out of her room and makes her way up to the tower to light the candle herself, just as Brienne gives up on watching for it. As Stannis and his men near the castle, the Bolton army meets them and Stannis already defeated draws his sword anyway. Sansa watches from the tower. Later, Stannis’ army in tatters, bodies strewn everywhere, an injured Stannis fights off two Bolton men, but falls to the ground, injured. He looks up and sees Brienne. She introduces herself and recounts watching Renly die. Stannis admits his part. Brienne asks for his last words, but he just tells her to do her duty, and she does. Sansa sneaks around Winterfell until she is caught by Theon and Myranda. Myranda taunts Sansa and draws her bow and arrow, but before she releases it, Theon pushes Myranda over the wall. Splat. They hear the sounds of the drawbridge oening and realizing Ramsay is returning, Sansa and Theon jump into a snow bank on the outside of the castle.

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Synopsis: In the middle of night, Stannis’ army campout lights up in flames. Apparently, those twenty men Ramsay said he could use sneaked into the camp for a little arson. Stannis contemplates his next move. Jon Snow and the Wildlings return to Castle Black. Thorne opens the gates and the Wildlings pass through. He tells Sam that he failed but Sam points out that everyone walking is alive because of him. The Crows watch angrily at the Wildlings, but do nothing, save for marveling at the sight of the giant. Jon smiles at Olly, but the boy isn’t feeling sunny towards Snow. Stannis sends Davos to Castle Black to ask for supplies and food. Davos offers to take Shireen but Stannis wants his family with him. Davos visits Shireen who tells him of the story she is reading-A Dance of Dragons, about a battle that split the Targaryen family. He gives her a small carved deer as a thank you for teaching him to read. Jaime is brought to Doran, who questions him on sneaking into Dorne. Jaime tells of threat they received with Myrcella’s necklace. Doran glares at Ellaria. Doran toasts to King Tommen and agrees to send Myrcella back to King’s Landing, so long as Trystane can accompany her. Ellaria storms out after chastising Doran. Jaime asks for the return of Bronn, and Doran lets Trystane make the decision. He agrees on one condition. Bronn is brought in front of the prince and is slapped. Arya, in her new identity as the oyster girl is walking through Braavos but when she is visits the man she is sent to spy on, she is surprised to see Meryn Trant  arrive with Mace Tyrell. Arya follows their entourage, what with Meryn being on her list. Tyrell meets with representatives of the Iron Bank and Arya keeps close watch. She follows Trant to a brothel and sells her wares to the patrons while watching Trant turn down all the girls for being too old, until an entirely too young girl is brought forth. Arya is shooed away before she can follow. She returns to Jaqen and says she couldn’t complete her mission but he is suspicious. Doran brings Ellaria and the Sand Snakes before him and makes Ellaria kiss the ring, literally. He expects her loyalty and gives her a second chance, but cautions her that he won’t allow a third. Ellaria visits Jaime and questions him on his love for Cersei. She says that incest isn’t frowned upon in Dorne and that you can’t control who you love. She concedes that Myrcella is innocent of Oberyn’s death, and Jaime might be as well.

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Synopsis: Jorah and Tyrion appear in Dany’s throne room. Dany refuses Jorah the right to speak. Tyrion makes a case for his continued existence. He speaks of what he heard about Dany and why he might be good to advise her. She asks him for advice on what to do with Jorah, and why she shouldn’t kill him. He says he’s never seen anyone so devoted as he saw Jorah to her. He suggests Jorah is in love with her. Dany orders Jorah to be removed from the city. A nun beats an imprisoned Cersei yelling at her to confess. Cersei basically tells her to fuck off. Arya practices lying to Jaqen. Later, Arya works as a girl selling oysters, her new identity. She encounters a man, a gambler, who Jaqen tells her to keep an eye on. He wants her to spy on the man, learn everything she can, and then poison him. Arya leaves with the poison. The waif (ugh, the waif) tells Jaqen that Arya isn’t ready, but Jaqen says that’s up to the many faced god. Qyburn visits Cersei and tells her about her pending trial. The High Sparrow will be her judge. The charges are incest, fornication, treason, and the murder of King Robert. Cersei says they are all lies, but Qyburn cautions the burden of proof for the faith is less than in a court. He also tells her that Pycelle has brought her uncle Kevan back to serve as hand of the king, and that Tommen hasn’t been eating and won’t talk to anyone. Theon sees Sansa and she asks him why he told Ramsay. As he cries about what he suffered from Ramsay, Sansa is supportive because of what he did to her family. She’s also starting to see how brainwashed he’s been. As she berates him, Theon confesses that the boys he killed weren’t Bran and Rickon.

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Synopsis: Tormund is brought to Jon Snow and his chains are removed. Jon charges Thorne with command while he is gone and Thorne tells him he’s an idiot for this plan. Jon says goodbye to Samwell and as a parting gift, Sam gives him his dragonglass dagger. Jon and Tormund saddle up and are outta there, with Tollett and a few others. After, Sam and Gilly visit Maester Aemon with baby Sam as he begins to drift away. And now his watch is ended. Theon arrives in Sansa’s room as the visibly-bruised bride of Ramsay awakens. Sansa begs him for help and gives him the candle to put in the window. Instead, Theon takes it to Ramsay, while Brienne watches from afar for any sign. The men of the Night’s Watch lay Aemon to rest as Sam eulogizes him. Thorne takes the opportunity to chide Sam for losing all of his friends. Ramsay and his new wife survey Winterfell as Ramsay talks of the future. Sansa throws his pending baby brother in his face, suggesting he will have a greater claim than Ramsay. Ramsay’s legit, he says, but Sansa points out Tommen, another bastard, was the one who legitimized him. Ramsay shows Sansa the old woman who offered her help. She has been flayed. Theon hovers nearby, with the candle. Ramsay tells Sansa she isn’t going anywhere. At Stannis’ camp, Davos warns Stannis that this is not the right time to go into battle, as the snow is getting worse. Stannis assures him, victory or defeat, they will be marching. Melisandre tells Stannis that even though she’s seen them in victory, they still may need a sacrifice. The Red Woman suggests his daughter, as she is the only one around with king’s blood. A couple Night’s Watch bros accost Gilly and Sam comes to her rescue pulling his sword. He takes a swing, but the men overpower him and knock him around. Sam gets back up, beaten and bloody but the men aren’t afraid, until Ghost comes in, baring his teeth and then men take off. Gilly tends to Sam’s wounds and then tends to that pesky virginity that has been plaguing him, but no more.

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Synopsis: Arya washes a body as the Waif (ugh, the Waif) showed her to do. It’s every bit as boring as it sounds. Two men come to take a body away and when Arya follows, the Waif (ugh, the Waif) stops her. Arya blasts some questions to her, and she recounts her history that involves a little step-matricide. When asked if it’s true or not, Arya isn’t sure what’s happening. Later, Arya is visited by Jaqen who asks her who she is. She says Arya, and tells her story and Jaqen slaps her every time she lies. Then Arya shouts she’s not playing anymore, and it’s really a terrible way to open an episode. Tyrion and Jorah continue their tour of Valyria, and Tyrion recounts why he’s on the run. He tells Jorah he knew his father when he went to the wall, and also that he’s passed. Jorah didn’t know, and he’s disheartened to learn he was killed by his own men, and oh god, we’re already back to Arya. In the well room in the House of Black and White, Arya is scrubbing the floor when a man enters with his sick daughter. He tells her he didn’t know where else to go. Arya talks to the sick girl and lies to her about her past, convincing her to drink from the fountain. She does as Jaqen watches. Then, Arya is with the dead girl as Jaqen walks in, inviting Arya to follow him. They go to a room in the basement where thousands of faces are stacked in columns. Jaqen asks her if she’s ready. Back on the road, Tyrion asks Jorah why Daenerys, and he tells her of the birth of her dragons. Before they make it very far, they are captured by some former slaves. The men plan to take Jorah to sell him to the fighting pits, and to sell Tyrion’s cock to a merchant since dwarf cocks are like rabbit’s feet in Valyria.

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Synopsis: Missandei visits Grey Worm as he recovers, noting for the audience that he lived. Not so lucky for Selmy, as his body is brought to Dany. Dany calls for the leaders of all the great families to be brought to her, especially upsetting to Hizdahr zo Loraq, one of her advisors, as he is the leader of his family. She brings the leaders to the dungeon where she has her dragons chained up. One of the leaders is fried up by the dragons and used an appetizer, and as a warning to the others. Sam reads a note to Maester Aemon Daenerys’ rise to power in Mereen, and Aemon is sad that as her relation, he can’t offer her any help. Jon interrupts to speak with the Maester, alone. He tells the old man that he needs his advice. He has to give an order and half the men will end up hating him. Aemon tells him that half the men already hate him so he might as well do it, not even knowing the decision with which Jon is struggling. Jon visits Tormund in an attempt to make peace. He offers to unchain him, and have him go North to gather the remaining Wildlings. He will let them south of the wall, and give them a place to settle if they promise to fight with him in the war against the White Walkers. He unlocks Tormund’s chains. Tormund agrees, but only if Jon goes with him. As Jon brings the subject up with the men, it indeed goes over poorly. Stannis and Davos watch as Tollett and the others try to dissuade Jon. In his chambers, young Olly isn’t thrilled either, as the Wildlings butchered his family.

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Synopsis: In the early morning light, Jorah steals a boat and loads, Tyrion, his captive on board. On another boat, Jaime and Bronn sail towards Dorne. Jaime sees the city of Tarth as they pass by and, one assumes, thinks of Brienne. Bronn questions why Jaime is the one sneaking into Dorne to rescue Myrcella. He successfully guesses that it was Jaime that set Tyrion free. He says if Jaime ever sees him again, tell him hey, but Jaime says he murdered their father and he will kill Tyrion should he ever see him again. At a small council meeting, Mace Tyrell, Master of Coin, notes that the throne is becoming increasingly more in debt to the Iron Bank. He offers to loan the money to the kingdom, but Cersei has a better idea and sends him to Braavos to renegotiate terms. She insists Meryn Trant accompanies him, which I’m sure isn’t shady in the least. Afterwards, Cersei meets with the High Sparrow, to formulate a plan to deal with a number of uprisings throughout the land. Cersei suggests they resurrect the Faith Militant, an army that works in service of the church and not the crown. She appoints the High Sparrow as leader and suggest she even know of a sinner they may be interested in. Later, men in cloaks disrupt the town, beating up sinners peddling wine, and in the brothel. Olyvar watches as his patrons are dragged out but when knives are pulled on a couple homosexuals, he hightails it out of there. Lancel, who has been branded by the Faith on his forehead and empowered, goes with his men as they take Loras. Lancel tells him he’s administering justice. Margaery busts into Tommen’s lunch and demands to know why her brother has been taken. Tommen is ignorant of the whole process, and Margaery knows that it was his mother that did this. Tommen asks his mother to free Loras, but she reminds him that she is not the one that is holding him. Tommen rides to see the High Sparrow, but he is not allowed to see them. The Faith brandish their weapons, but thinking better of bloodshed in the street, Tommen retreats. He tells his new wife, but she is disappointed in his ineffectiveness, and leaves to speak with her family.

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Synopsis: Inside the House of Black and White, a vast room with a fountain in the center and statues all around, Arya sweeps up while Jaqen tends to another subordinate. Arya wants Jaqen to teach her more than janitorial work but he says she must give herself to the Many-Faced God if she wants to learn to be a faceless man. In King’s Landing, Tommen and Margaery are wed and then consummate their marriage as Tommen learns that sex is awesome. In the afterglow, Margaery brings up her new mother-in-law and suggests that Tommen will never come into his own with her always by his side. Tommen and Cersei take a walk in the morning, and Tommen asks Cersei about Casterly Rock, and he asks her if she would be happy there. Cersei visits her new daughter-in-law and does her best to act sincere, offering her support. At Winterfell, Theon/Reek works in the courtyard when he sees some freshly flayed bodies. As he serves his master Ramsay, Roose and his son discuss holding the North and the elder Bolton questions how they hold their new territory with their alliance with the Lannisters being tenuous since Tywin’s death. Roose says the best way to secure their hold is by marriage. And he has a suitable candidate. Sansa and Baelish make their way towards Winterfell when Littlefinger tells Sansa that she’s going to wed the son of the man who murdered her brother. She’s not pleased to be passed around again, but Littlefinger charges her to take control of her own destiny as she returns home. Brienne and Podrick continue to follow Sansa from a distance. Brienne softens towards Pod and offers to train him. She tells him a story of how she came to meet Renly and why she wanted to serve him. She vows to avenge Renly by killing the man responsible-Stannis.

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Synopsis: Arya spent all that time since last season sailing to Braavos, and as this episode begins she arrives underneath the giant legs of the statue at the port. The captain of the boat drops her off at the entrance to the House of Black and White. She knocks on the door and a man opens the door. One, it’s another black man on Game of Thrones, which brings us up to three. Two, he doesn’t know Arya, and when she says she’s looking for Jaqen, he says no one by that name is there. Arya sits out front for the next few days recounting her list (which has lost a few names, I guess she got over Thoros, Beric and Illyn). Giving up, she tosses the coin in the water and walks off. Podrick and Brienne eat in the bar when Pod notices Sansa and Littlefinger sitting in another booth (really, is there only one restaurant between King’s Landing and the Vale?). Brienne approaches and tells Sansa of her vow to Catelyn. Littlefinger doubts Brienne’s loyalty and Sansa is all too willing to let him speak for her. She saw Brienne at Joffrey’s wedding and saw her bow to the king. Brienne and Pod take off, but are chased by Littlefinger’s Knights, but thankfully Brienne takes care of them. Brienne says they will follow Sansa from a distance. Cersei summons Jaime to show her a threat she received from Dorne against Myrcella. Jaime vows to go to Dorne to get Myrcella back. Bronn hangs out with his chatty new wife-to-be, Lollys, when they notice a visitor: Jaime. He tells Bronn that he no longer has to marry Lollys, and that frees him up to join Jaime in Dorne. In Dorne, Ellaria meets with Doran, Oberyn’s brother, and chides him for his inaction. He doesn’t want to invite a war, but Ellaria says the Sand Snakes are with her, whoever they might be.

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