Synopsis: Arya’s on the road to the night’s watch and meets one of their prisoners, Jaqen, who has an annoying way of talking about himself. When a couple men of the kingsguard catches up to the group, Arya is worried they are there for her, but turns out they are looking for Gendry. Yoren gets the men to leave, but everyone gives Gendry a side eye. Cersei receives word of Robb’s refusal to recognize Joffrey’s reign. The small council also get raven about potential trouble on the wall. Beyond the wall at Craster’s keep, Sam has a meetcute with Gilly after Ghost gives her a fright. The mixture of the men of the Night’s Watch and the Craster’s daughters may not be the best mixture. Gilly and Sam tell Jon that she is pregnant and she asks for their help in escaping from Craster. The Dothraki horde suffers from dehydration, starvation and an overall lack of direction in the Red Waste. A horse returns but without Rakaro, well, save for his head in a bag. This leadership thing is starting to be an issue for Dany.
Theon returns home to the Iron Islands, recounts his childhood issues while getting groiny with the daughter of the ship’s Captain. At Littlefinger’s brothel, Ros is having trouble getting past the murder of Barra, Robert’s bastard. Littlefinger tells a veiled threat couched in a story about selling women. He’s a peach. Tyrion has dinner with Janos Slynt, but it turns from a pleasant conversation to Janos’ retirement to the wall. Bronn becomes the new commander of the city watch. Gendry and Arya bond on the Kingsroad. Gendry denies knowing what the kingsguard want with him, dropping that he doesn’t know about his parentage, but he does know Arya is a girl. She one ups him by revealing she’s Ned Stark’s daughter.
On the Iron Islands, Theon flirts with a local woman who gives him a ride up to the castle, where his father, Balon, gives him a less than royal reception. Theon is also surprised the woman he tried to feel up on the ride was his sister, Yara. Balon views Yara as his true heir and not Theon, and he isn’t interested in joining Robb’s side in the war. At Dragonstone, Davos meets with pirate Salladhor Saan (an actual non-white person in the Thrones universe), and Saan agrees to have his fleet join Stannis’ cause. Cersei continues to be frustrated by Tyrion’s machinations. Tyrion surmises that it was Joffrey who gave the order to have Robert’s bastards killed, and not Cersei as he initially believed. Melissandre continues to be a thorn in Davos’ side as she continues to talk Stannis up, getting him to commit to the Lord of Light. With an open robe, Melissandre tempts Stannis by suggesting she can bear him a son, and they bang it out right there on the painted table. At night, Snow follows Craster into the woods figures out what he does with his sons, as a White Walker picks up the newborn. Before he can react, Craster knocks him out cold.
Comments: A rather slow episode, but we get a lot of new characters: Podrick, Gilly, Yara, Balon, Matthos, and a lot more attention to Stannis and Melissandre. Tyrion in King’s Landing is the wildcard that keeps the Lannisters rule from being simple and straightforward. Littlefinger continues to straddle the line between dry wit and outright villain. Arya and Gendry have an interesting friendship. Dany’s story loses a little momentum, but now that the Iron Islands and the Greyjoys become a new set piece, along with Stannis and Dragonstone, there are plenty of other stories to carry the weight. Dany, Renly, Stannis and Robb are all coming for the throne so the Lannisters grip on power is tenuous at best. We also get three fucking scenes in a row, too, and an actual shot of jizz in case you forgot this was an adult show.
Memorable Moments: Another blip of the White Walker and their mystery and import continues to be weaved in. Any scene with Cersei and Tyrion is fun to watch.
Tyrion: You’re perfected the art of tearing up papers.
Cersei: Another king? How many is that now, five? I’ve lost count.
Tyrion: I’m not questioning your honor, Lord Janos, I’m denying its existence.
Cersei: Mother gone for the sake of you. There’s no bigger joke in the world than that.
Shae: I don’t think Lord Varys likes fish pie.
Arya: Do not call me m’lady.
Yara: Anything with a cock is easy to fool.
Foreshadowing: A lot of references to Theon’s dick. Something that seems like a throwaway at first, but nothing on this show is, is it? Melissandre tells Matthos that death by fire is the best death.
Title: Spoken by Irri, though in Dothraki, in reference to their belief on what follows death.
Deaths: Rakharo. And probably that baby at the end.